EVERYBODY PANIC

So what headline jumps out at me over at the Houston Chronicle’s site?

Thousands could die if a giant tornado ever hits Houston

Let me hit what I feel are the pertinent sections of this headline:

Thousands COULD die if a giant tornado EVER hits Houston

As opposed to the desired effect, which is

THOUSANDS could DIE if a GIANT TORNADO ever HITS HOUSTON

Apparently, the public is glutted with tales of possible apocalypses due to giant asteroids, terrorist bombs, arctic cold fronts and goth kids with automatic weapons. Theoretical tornadoes are the new hotness.

Dammit, news media – there was a time when you were my friend. When the hell did you go over to the enemy?

Never mind, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know the answer to that.