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The show is over, long live the show.

The last weekend was very trying. We arrived Friday night to find that the air conditioning had been off all week, and since the performing space is in a reconditioned church with the stained glass windows still intact – well, it had been a greenhouse during the week. We were then told someone should have really come in at 8 AM that morning to turn on the AC, which was not exactly helpful. It was miserable both backstage and on, and though I work blind, ie., without my thick eyeglasses, I could see a sea of undulating white blurs in the audience, as the attendees fanned themselves with their programs.

Saturday started a little better. We arrived to find a pleasant chill in the theater. This was, however, short-lived, as the AC cut itself off an hour before the house opened and the atmosphere once again became sweltering by showtime. The air conditioning unit in the backstage area, at least, was quite separate from the rebellious climate control in the theater, so the dressing rooms were comfortable enough. Score one for roles with limited stage time.

My hat is off to the audience members who actually toughed it out through those two performances. It may not have been as bad in the house as it was onstage, with no lights beating down or heavy costumes, but it couldn’t have been at all comfortable.

So I guess the question at this point is – does this mean I’m back? Am I to plunge back into a field that was once my goal, my preferred way to spend my life, my chosen vocation? At present, it’s a very open subject, but the likely outcome is, sadly – very, very sadly – no. Though I came in at, for me, a very fortuitous time frame – a mere two weeks of rehearsal followed by three weeks of performance – the amount of time taken up by this endeavor and The Hated Job is truly daunting. There are a lot of responsibilities that got skipped in that period, and I’ll be playing catch-up for a while. Something would have to
go to continue that pursuit, and since a number of those aforementioned responsibilities involve paying out money to various entities, the thing to go would not be The Hated Job, alas. As the LOLCat says, “I has morgatge.”

Archive photos were taken the last night, and my relatively frill-less digital camera came out, with predictably lackluster results in the low light. These put yet another nail in the coffin; I was under no delusion that I was cutting a dashing figure, but the pictures of me result in a mental disconnect, wondering who the fat guy is with the sword cane.

I’ve never liked pictures of me performing, for just that reason. My mental picture of the character is destroyed by the cold, hard reality of myself.

Past the horrific physical evidence however, it was largely a positive experience. I enjoy acting, and I enjoy being told how good I am.

Fancy that.

SSSSSSSS!

We HATES THE MONDAYS! They BURNS US SOOOOOO!

Please note that although I have gone nuts and placed a little radio widget over to the right, I am not so tired that I neglected to turn off the auto-start feature, as web pages that start playing music unbidden? WE HATES THEMS TOO!!!!!

Needless to say – patients? HATE HATE HATE HATES oooooooooo!

Admittedly – even though we had to work through lunch, the General Tso’s Chicken from across the way was delicious as always. WE DOES NOT HATES THAT.

Also: if Super Mario had been more like this, I would have played that freaking frustration fest more:

I wanna try the radioactive breath on Bowser.

BECAUSE WE HATES HIM SO!

Caramba!

What a miserable couple of weeks. The show opened last week to less than full houses (no marketing budget to speak of), so I’ve had theoretically four days to rest and heal. Heal because the theater is in a reconditioned church, and the steps leading up the stage are not uniform, which is messing with my bum knee terribly. The acoustics in the space, however, are incredible.

I have a fair amount of downtime in the first act, during which I usually commune with my MP3 player. Now, however, my son Max has discovered the wonders of Daddy’s MP3 player. Since he doesn’t have his one line until near the end of Act Two, he’s commandeered it. At least I can take comfort in the fact he likes Alice Cooper.

I said “theoretically heal” earlier because this week has been anything but restful – my wife and I both had court appearances over tawdry matters which are now thankfully over, concurrent with putting my car in the shop for two days and the resultant further flummoxing of our schedules. And the Hated Job, of course, was the Hated Job.

So here I stand on Thursday, preparing to do the run home, wolf down dinner and hit the road for the theater routine again. It appears that we actually had a critic in last weekend, who singled out Lisa’s “sympathetic opera diva” (surely an oxymoron!) and my “thunderously evil” Moriarty for praise. Which I guess is why we do this.

In other troublesome news: as some of you may know, I’ve been running an Internet radio station at Live365 for almost a couple of years now. And as some of you may know, the entire Internet radio industry is in serious trouble, as the Copyright Royalty Board had decided to triple royalty rates for the Net retroactive to January of 2006. Please drop by SaveNetRadio.org for a fast and easy form to send your local reps e-mail messages (and, with a little more trouble, hard copy) telling them this is not such a good idea. If your local radio market has become part of the Clear Channel Borg, you know what I mean.

Due diligence requires that I mention I used the site, and got a canned reply from Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson explaining how she felt copyright was indeed important and she would fight for the rights of copyright holders until her dying day, just as I (had not)requested in the letter that was apparently unread by anyone.

Which I guess is what I get for not voting for her.

Ladies and Gentlemen…

To get your gaming geek teh awsum on, you can do far, far worse than checking out Monty Oum’s new animation over at Game Trailers.

Thanks to Penny Arcade for pointing this one out, since it is, as I mentioned, teh awsum.

Oh My God, We Were All So Young

01. Living Dead Girl – Rob Zombie
02. Mad Mountain King – Apollo 100
03. Soul Experience – Iron Butterfly (my player really likes this song)
04. American Witch – Rob Zombie
05. Robert E. Lee Broke His Musket ‘Cross His Knee – Pleasant Valley Boys
06. Electro Chemical – Save the Robot
07. Our House – Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
08. The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald – Gordon Lightfoot
09. Silver Machine – Hawkwind
10. Living in the Material World – George Harrison

You Know What?

This whole working a nine-hour day, rocketing home, wolfing down dinner, and hitting the road again to rehearse all evening, and then doing the half-hour drive home to collapse into bed?

It’s a whole lot easier when you’re younger and stupider.

In connected news: although I have tried to bring him up right, to be a valuable member of society, Max has to go to rehearsals with myself and Lisa. This has resulted in him getting a walk-on part, and a line, which greatly excites him.

It has been pointed out to me, however, that all I need do is wait a few more years, until he becomes a teenager, then let him know I really want him to be an actor. Then he’ll become a plumber, just for spite.

Happy Easter.

01. If I Could – October Project
02. Moonraker – Shirley Bassey
03. Xingu – Ozric Tentacles
04. Kissin’ Hot Dog – The Archies (the anti-emo group)
05. Soul Experience – Iron Butterfly (again. Someone is trying to tell me something)
06. And Your Bird Can Sing – The Beatles
07. Taboo – The South Sea Serenaders
08. You’ll Be Under My Wheels – The Prodigy
09. Tank! – The Seat Belts
10. Momentum – Project Pitchfork

Still Only 24 Hours in a Day? DAMN!

So for a while now, my wife Lisa – who teaches at, and also acts as Administrator of, a private school for dyslexic children – has been trying to work herself to death. Her church is important to her, so besides her duties as worship leader at the contemporary service, she was convinced to head the Evangelism Committee (which needed “new blood”). Then she was asked to teach third grade Sunday School. At each of these, i would sigh and say, “Oh good. You have so much time on your hands, you needed a hobby.”

So she received a phone call a few weeks ago from an old friend – one of my old flames, in point of fact – who was directing a show and needed an actress. Lisa had been pining for the stage for quite some time, so I knew how important it was to her. So I would play single parent at night for a while – no big thing at all.

This is, it turns out, A Sherlock Holmes play, and Lisa was asked to play Irene Adler, or as Holmes and his fans know her, “The Woman”. It’s an interesting combination of William Gilette’s sturdy old warhorse of a play, a couple of penny dreadful set-ups, and “The Final Problem”. And word came back to me, via Lisa, that there was a problem: the actor playing Moriarty was not very good – he wasn’t “getting it”.

How can one “not get” Moriarty, for God’s sake? If Adler is “The Woman”, Moriarty is “The Villain”. THE Villain. The only way the role could be better, more self-explanatory, would be if for some reason Moriarty was wearing Dr. Doom’s armor!

So Thursday night I received a phone call while sitting down to dinner with my family – the actor had been fired. Would I please take over the role?

So. I now have two weeks to opening. Guess I needed a hobby, too.

01. Soul Experience – Iron Butterfly
02. My Ashes – Porcupine Tree
03. Dark Continent – Scott Fitzgerald
04. My Baby Loves Lovin’ – White Plains (again, a heckuva segue)
05. Adam & Eve – October Project
06. Reload – Rob Zombie
07. I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You – Elvis
08. Adiemus – Adiemus
09. Take A Chance on Me – ABBA
10. Cheek to Cheek – Frank Sinatra

RIP Robert Clark

As Ray Smuckles would say, “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!” Ofttimes my morbid habit of clicking “Obituaries in the News” over my morning coffee bears bitter fruit; in this case, the news that film director Robert Clark, along with his son, was killed in a car wreck yesterday. The other car was apparently driving under the influence and swerved into Clark’s lane.

Clark is reviled in some quarters as the director of crimes against humanity like Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things and Baby Geniuses, not to mention the seminal Porky’s movies (alright, I admit to being entertained by Porky’s 2, but that had Shakespeare in it, fer pete’s sake. But, let us hasten to add, he also directed the equally seminal Black Christmas and one of my favorite Sherlock Holmes movies, Murder by Decree.

The suddenness of the death was a shock, of course, but what surprised me even more was Clark’s inclusion in the list, taken from the AP wire, if I’m not mistaken. Usually the names are complete strangers to me, football players, diplomats, trustees of various universities – but it’s rare that people I know of via my love of genre entertainment appear there. I had to find out about writer Arnold Drake’s passing via Mark Evanier’s blog.

Then I realized: Clark directed A Christmas Story, which I believe is still shown for 24 hours on TNT every Christmas. So for once, it appears the man belongs to more than just myself and a band of geeks.

In any case: R.I.P. Bob. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

Before the Storm: The Ten

01. Mona Lisa Overdrive – Juno Reactor
02. Fireball (Take 1) – Deep Purple
03. The Real Me – The Who
04. Run Fay Run – Isaac Hayes
05. Our House – Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young
06. The Work Song – Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass
07. Zeitfalle – Project Pitchfork
08. Morning Dove – Moby
09. Black Blade – Blue Oyster Cult
10. Ob-La-Di-Ob-La-Da – The Beatles (and what a bizarre segue THAT was! – and if we went to 11, it would have been Martin Denny…)

Almost 2000 songs on the ol’ Nomad Zen, probably one of the best purchases I have ever made.