Welcome to MY World

And now, a little peek into my home life.

My wife has just returned from the mall. She accompanied our friend, Ronnie, on a shopping trip there. She went mainly to keep Ronnie from machine-gunning the crowds of holiday shoppers, but she also found a T-shirt at Hot Topic that she wants to get my brother for Christmas. As we join TV’s favorite family, I am in the kitchen, cooking dinner, when the wife approaches.

WIFE: What do they call those people who know kung fu?

ME: Masters?


ME: Oh. Boxers!

WIFE: No,  (waving arms in air) kung fu.

ME: People who know kung fu are called boxers.

WIFE: No, they aren’t.

ME: Yes they are. Why do you think they called it The Boxer Rebellion?

WIFE: I have no idea. C’mon, who are the other guys that know kung fu?

A slight pause. I realize I have to change sides of my brain, to – as a friend once put it, “Tune into the same FM station that is listened to by cats, sea anemones, and blondes”.

ME: Ninjas?

WIFE: That’s it!

ME: Ninjas don’t know kung fu. They’re Japanese. They know ninjutsu.

Which didn’t matter, she was already describing something about ninjas and pirates not working together. While out doing the last of my Christmas shopping today, I’m supposed to drop into Hot Topic and inspect this shirt for – harrumph! – brother quality (and try not to feel too damn old, myself).

And before you ask: yes, I love my wife more than life itself.